


I Fought the World for your Hand

by malecstozier



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 3x15-3x16, Alec Lightwood Needs A Hug, Angst, Character Study, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fluff, Good Parent Maryse Lightwood, I need a hug, Introspection, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Magnus Bane Needs A Hug, Malec, Songfic, but not a lot, if you dig deep there’s fluff, not really but
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-31
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-12-30 01:43:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18305621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malecstozier/pseuds/malecstozier
Summary: “I was gonna ask him, you know?”“Hm?”“Ask him- ask him to marry me. Now I might never get to tell him I love him again.”





	I Fought the World for your Hand

**Author's Note:**

> this is dedicated to the angstiest Magnus bane defence gays groupchat. Love you all.

Maryse hadn’t thought that she'd ever have to see her boy so heartbroken again, since he'd come out, his constant tension had eased out and his real smiles were far more frequent. She thought she'd never see him on the brink of this- this _breakdown_. Maybe she was kidding herself, maybe she was being naive, but she thought that life with Magnus was going to save him, make him better, but for all intents and purposes, right now, it seemed to be much, much worse. 

To love is to destroy- isn't that what she'd always preached? She'd always been told? It's the foundation on which she raised her children, it's the reason her marriage went stale. But then, her runes were stripped and her son came out and she got a new perspective on life. Hate didn't fix things- nor did indifference. Hate wasn't the answer. To love is not to destroy. To love is to thrive- to _live._

Its hard to remember that now,though, as she watches her son fall apart because of love. Because of who he loves. Still, it's not magnus' fault. Nor is it loves. It's Lorenzo's. It's asmodeous'. It's valentine's, and by extension, as his right hand man, it's _hers._

At this thought, she rises from her seat in Alec's office, making her way towards to the infirmary where Alec had disappeared to hours earlier (after she and jace had to force him to eat and take a nap). She doesn't feel real ,really, as she walks down the corridors, shadowhunters nodding at her with a calm familiarity with hidden trepidation yet sympathy. She just nods back. 

It's quiet, in the infirmary. Izzy sits alone in the corridor outside, and when maryse asks, she says that the others are gearing up for a mission, but that she can't bare to leave yet, in fear of what she might miss. Maryse nods and kisses her forehead without commenting, though deep down inside, her insides twist. Gearing up for mission- at a time like this? A few months ago, she would've scolded Izzy for caring more about the health of a warlock than her sacred duty, but now, she's half a mind to track the others down and scold them for leaving the man who'd saved all of their asses in his time of need. Still, she says nothing as she knocks on Magnus' room.

The "come in" that sounds is frail, almost inaudible. Alecs voice sounds raw, like hes been screaming for years and has finally been silenced. The likelihood is, though, that he's been crying and talking to an unconscious Magnus to the point of exhaustion and somehow, that's more painful for her to think about. When she steps inside, Alec doesn't even raise his head. His hand is grasped in magnus' like it's the only thing holding him to the earth,but magnus' can't clutch back. Magnus' can't be his anchor when he's slipping so quickly.

His head is resting on magnus' stomach and maryse has a feeling that he's trying to hide his tears and she hates it. She knows what she had drilled into Alec. Emotions make you weak. Men don't cry. Now, she regrets it. All she wants is to take Alec into her arms and let him cry- cry until he can't anymore. And more than that, she wants Magnus to just _wake the fuck up._

Instead, he lays still, his brow furrowed as though having some sort of dream, though she can't decipher whether it's a good or bad one. It's painful to see someone so powerful, _superior_ \- In a state of such vulnerability. She's reminded that this is how Alec must see him in the stillness of their own home and that hurts even more, because if he knew that Maryse Lightwood was now witnessing him with flat hair and no makeup, without his armour- he'd feel bare. Naked. Vulnerable. It's not a word she’d ever associated with Magnus Bane. But here, it's the only word that comes to mind.

Her eyes flick to his usually ring adorned fingers. Just another part of his armour stripped bare. Fleetingly, she wonders why exactly Alec had decided to wipe the nail polish and take off his jewelry, but she chooses not to ask, instead, she look back at Alec, who's looked up and followed maryse’s gaze, his eyes now focused on magnus' fingers, tears pooling in his eyes.

"I was gonna ask him, you know?"

"Hm?" She settles down next to Alec, but it seems he doesn't even notice, his eyes remain focused on magnus' hands, his body tense and his shoulders hunched, and it breaks her heart to see him so small once more. Her boy, who'd become more of a leader than she could ever be in the past few months was falling to pieces and all she could do was watch and listen. 

"Ask him- ask him to marry me. Now I might never get to tell him I love him again- fuck." 

Maryse could pretend to be shocked, but she isn't. Shadowhunters love once, _fiercely._ She's seen the way alec looks wistfully at the children in the institute, she knows what he wants and she knows he wants it with Magnus. All she can do is rest her hand on Alec's shoulder and squeeze, attempting to give him some semblance of hope and it's then that her eye catches sight of _something._ Something special, something that Alec needs. 

Her ring.

The lightwood ring. The one that had been passed through the family for decades- centuries. Never had she or any of her ancestors imagined that this ring would be passed on to a downworlder, but she wants it to be. She wants Magnus to wear it proudly amongst his other rings because he is as much a part of the lightwood family as she is. And yeah, maybe Magnus won't want to wear it- a symbol of the oppression that has been bestowed upon him by her family for too long, but maybe he'll see it as a symbol of acceptance. Maybe he'll wear it proudly. 

Without second thought-without an ounce of hesitation, she slides the ring off of her finger. With his eyes clouded with tears, Alec follows the movement. 

"Well, you're going to need a ring for when he says yes."

"We don't even- he might not even wake up."

"Are you kidding me? I've known Magnus Bane a long time, and I know for certain he is way too stubborn to die in any way that is not ultra spectacular and dramatic. He'll pull through, Alec.”

He nods, but Maryse can see that his doubt overrides his confidence. Still, he nods and takes the ring, digging it into his pocket. Then, he leans forward, burying his head on Magnus’ chest in a way that is certainly uncomfortable, but Maryse has a feeling he’s seeking a heartbeat rather than comfort,so she wraps her arms around his shoulders and watches him cry into magnus' chest, her insides writhing as she regrets every single one of her negative thoughts or actions towards magnus. Frankly, she doesn't know where any of her children would be without Magnus and she knows that they all need him. But more than that, she knows that he needs to pull through. If not for Alec or Clary or Izzy- then for himself, because Magnus deserves his happy ending. He deserves to marry the love of his life and have children and live without worries with his husband. He deserves family dinners with the in laws and breakfasts with his husband as the sun shines in from the outside. He deserves _happiness_ , happiness with Alec, but something tells her it’s going to be a while before he gets it.


End file.
